THE OFFICIAL HIDE AND SEEK MANUAL
“Good hide and seek players are hard to find.” --Anonymous
When you see children running around the yard and hiding behind bushes, garages, and passers-by, you assume they are playing by few, random and ever-changing rules. But, according to the Institute for Adult Hide-and-Seek, there is a firm and standard set of rules followed by all participants, many of whom are found in the highest echelons of government, international relations, and organized crime.
The game is played by an individual who is designated as It, and an indeterminate number of players who are not. The one who is It hangs around a location identified as Home, which has to be a clearly-defined space that is large enough to contain all the players, as It’s job is to find and catch all the others, incarcerating them at Home. This can be a circle chalked on a driveway, someone’s front porch, a dugout at a local Little League field, or an anteroom in Congress.
The game begins when players scatter to find hiding places—behind bushes, under vehicles, inside culverts, or in their own bedrooms. (To avoid this last opportunity, the allowable area for hiding should be carefully circumscribed and, while it should be large enough to provide sufficient hiding places, it should not include more than three adjacent States.)
Meanwhile It counts to an agreed number, or pretends to. It then tries to find each Hider, and either tags one, runs back to Home before the discovered Hider can get there first, or immobilizes that party with a blow from a Big Stick. It then goes out to look for another fugitive.
The game ends when all the hiders have been stowed at Home, and the first one who had been caught becomes It to start a new game, unless everyone has had Enough and they all go do something else.
A variation allows one Hider to sneak into the unguarded Home, while It is out searching for others, and free one or all inmates. This allows the game to go on essentially forever, and nicely simulates the workings of the criminal justice system.
In another variation, which has gone by many names, an indeterminate number of players gather at both ends of a field, safely out of bounds. One person, It, is in the center of the field. The players, when they think they can get away with it, run from one end of the field to the opposite end, hoping to get across before being tagged by It. If he does tag them, they join him on the field, and help to tag new runners. The game continues until all but one are on the field with It. The last uncaptured player becomes It for the next round.
Your humble correspondent played this daily before Middle School, at great risk to his well-being and the condition of his clothing, since capture was effected not by tagging but by tackling, and the initial It was usually a very large and gleefully violent tackler.
Becoming expert at Hide and Seek has produced players who have remained At Large for years, undiscovered by schoolmates, school administrators, and law enforcement. And if you encourage your children to participate in this game, you may not have to see them for hours at a time, if not days...